Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! by Mo Willems

As the bus driver walks away, he asks the reader to watch things and "don't let the pigeon drive the bus". The pigeon appears and pleads with the reader for a chance to drive the bus. He doesn't get his way. The bus driver returns. In the end, the pigeon gets the idea of driving something else.

The book can be heavily interactive if desired. There is a "no response" for each of the Pigeon's intreaties. I can't help but include a few sound effects as I am reading it. Mo Willems came from a TV background, and this could easily be a visual short.

Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way We Make Things

Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way We Make Things by William McDonough and Michael Braungart

We often talk about "consumers". However, in the long run, very little is actually consumed. Most good we buy are used for a little bit and then disposed of in landfills. Attempts to improve this often look at the "cradle to grave" lifespan of goods, but many of these just delay the inevitable. Much recycle is "downcycling" to lower quality goods that are then landfilled. Critical components are often not extractable and thus are lost in the recycling. There are also many dangerous chemicals that are part of the process. Environmentally friendly options often have negative parts. The recycled paper may contain harmful components from the previous life and be hard to read. Items may also include components from other countries that are not subject to similar environmental standards.

This book advocates for an alternative to "reduce, reuse, recycle". Even if we reduce our footprint, we still have a significant negative footprint that will add up over time. Instead, we should look for ways where what we have can make an improvement. An example would be a plant where the manufacturing process makes the outflowing water better than what came in - all while carrying out its purpose. Rather than trying to be less bad, we can be "more good". Truly sustainable processes would lead to continual improvements. Rather than reduce the human footprint, we should work to make it positive. This is a different, albeit much harder approach.

Would You Baptize an Extraterrestrial?: . . . and Other Questions from the Astronomers' In-box at the Vatican Observatory

Would You Baptize an Extraterrestrial?: . . . and Other Questions from the Astronomers' In-box at the Vatican Observatory by Guy Consolmagno SJ and Paul Mueller

Two Jesuit scientists discuss the interaction of faith and science. In their few both are complementary as they address different concerns. While many "miracles" could be explained by science, that is largely irrelevant. God is beyond the universe. Miracles may be understood via science or they may not. It is largely irrelevant. 

Historically, there was no conflict between faith and science. Most science research was done by monks and other men of faith. The Bible was interpreted by the priest for the congregation. Both science and faith were used to explain the world. The Bible was seen as a source of truth. This truth may be communicated through figurative stories or literal truth. (The Bible even includes multiple accounts of the same event with different facts.) Only after the protestant reformation did people start interpreting the Bible as fully literal. This resulted in conflict, especially when the biblical accounts did not match the current state of science. This conflict relatively recent conflict is only among small groups on the science or faith side that seek the conflict. Historical figures like Galileo known for the "conflict" between church and science were actually caught in a political conflict rather than a faith/science conflict.

This book is an excellent exploration of how faith and science work well together, even though that is the "side" topic. The Chicago Art Museum is used as an introduction to faith and science. There are different ways to appreciate art. Different art provides different insights. Even the same artwork can be explored from different ways.  This is similar to how we look at the world. The bible has multiple creation accounts. Science also has gone through various theories of the creation. Quantum Theory and Relativity conflict with each other, yet they both work to explain natural phenomena. Pluto was once thought to be a planet, but now part of a new class of "dwarf planets". Science changes. Having a background in faith and science helps one to look at the big picture and better understand the world than when focussing entirely on one. 

The Metamorphosis

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

The narrator of this audiobook, Ralph Cosham, would often narrate under the pseudonym Geoffrey Howard.

Gregor woke up one day and discovered he was a bug. It was just a "oh, I'm a bug and not human". He is slow getting out the door. His family and even his manager try to come and get him out. Later they learn that he is a bug. His sister is the only one that regularly attends to him. Others protect him but generally avoid him. He was a primary earner in the house, so his "bugification" creates some stress. Eventually, he fades from view. They clean out human furniture from his room to make it more comfortable. They send him food, but he rarely eats. His room gradually becomes a junk room. His family takes on tenants to make ends meet. Eventually, while his sister is playing violin, Gregor goes out to listen. This freaks out the tenants (who are neat freaks.) Gregor shortly after decides to give up on life and dies. The family acknowledges his passing and opts for some privacy from the tenants. Then they go on with their lives. They are somewhat relieved that they don't have to tend for him anymore. They can now move to a smaller apartment and live financially well with their new work.

This can be seen as part of a struggle of caring for somebody that has challenges. They may have changed to be different. At first you see them as who they are. Gradually they become more of a burden. Eventually, there is a relief when you no longer need to care for them anymore. There may be a hope they can return to how they were, but an exit is a more likely outcome.

Telling this story primarily from Gregor's view helps emphasize the changes that are made. He was not killed, he just gave up. He was capable of thought and realized his change. However, he could not do anything about it. He gradually adopted more and more to the life of a bug. Eventually he stopped eating and stopped living. The world and his family was not capable of giving him a life that he felt worth living. He couldn't provide it for himself either.

Gregor's sister was the one that had cared for him. She also played violin in a way that pleased Gregor, but not the tenants. The family barely noticed her until Gregor's pasing. Only then did they realize she had blossomed into a woman. The first thing they thought to do then was to marry her to somebody. Is this good or bad? Is it another form of control or more freedom?

Song for a Whale

Song for a Whale by Lynne Kelly

A deaf girl lives in a hearing family and goes to a hearing school. Her maternal grandparents were deaf, so her mother can sign well. However, her father struggles with signing. She is interested in electronics and repairing old radios. Her grandmother has not been herself since grandfather died. 

Then one day, they learn about a whale that communicates on a different frequency. The girl becomes keen to help the whale. She sympathizes with challenges communicating with other loved ones. She plans to create a song on the frequency of the whale. However, her parents do not want her to go see the whale. However, she learns that her grandmother had planned to go on an Alaska cruise before grandfather died. this cruise happens to go right to the area where the whale is. They hatch a secret plan together to go and visit the whale.

They both have a great time on the cruise. Grandma comes out of her shell and starts to become more social - even launching some deaf karaoke. They make other friends on the ship (that they communicate with by writing.) Then they hear bad news. The whale crew plans on tagging the whale without playing the song. There is also a chance they will not even see the whale. The girl plots to build her own whale speaker by using some electronic junk they can find. Eventually, she throws it out into the ocean. She jumps into the ocean as the whale coms to see her. Afterwards, grandma is doing well, and the girl's parents finally allow her to go to a deaf school. 

The book keeps you engaged, while building up plenty of sympathy for the main characters. The novel presents deaf communication in a matter-of-fact way. She is just thinking and communicating. We learn at times that they write things down to help communication. However, for the most part, she just communicates. The cruise part, on the other hand is a little off.  While there are some Alaskan cruises from San Francisco, most are from Seattle or Vancouver. A San Francisco cruise would be longer, making it unlikely to be completed in a short time. These are also less likely to go to additional locations within Alaska.  It would also be a major Jones act violation to exit the cruise the Alaska.

Counting by 7s

Counting by 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan

A girl in Bakersfield is crazy smart. She aces a test and gets accused of cheating and sent to see the counselor. The counselor tests her and realizes she is smart. She also meets a Vietnamese brother and sister who also visit the counselor. She also needs to travel in a taxi to see him at times. She gets to know the driver and encourages him to go to school as get a mole looked at.

Then her adoptive parents die in a car crash, leaving her orphaned without any relatives around. On impulse, the the Vietnamese girl declares her to be a family friend and get her mom to adopt temporarily custody. They go through a number of challenges to try to become a family. They end up taking over the counselor's apartment and putting on a good show for protective services. They also work to mike things better by creating a garden. Things don't quite go according to plan, but others help out. The book pulls at the heart strings with many characters that appear stereotypical, but have growth of their own.

Who Gets in and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions

Who Gets in and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions by Jeffrey J. Selingo

This is one of the better explorations of the college admissions process. The author has embedded himself with a few universities (Emory, Davidson and University of Washington). He explores exactly what goes on with the admissions committee. He also covers the history of admissions. The schools are responding to changes in rules as well as working to fill they needs. They are building an appropriate class as well as balancing their budgets. They also need to manage their reputation and rate of admits as well as yield rate.

There is a disconnect between what students think is important and what the colleges care about. Students will stress for hours over essays, but committees will often skim them. They are more interested in the voice and uniqueness rather than the typical "overcoming adversity in sports" essays. A laundry list of activities does not set apart a student. (It is better to show significant involvement.) Even grades and test scores may not guarantee admission if they are not paired with other interests.

Another key aspect is that students are rarely compared with each other. They are typically chosen based on their own merits and how they fit in with a class. Only if there are multiple students from a well-known school will there be some comparison of the students academic experience vs. what was available. Even then, the other factors come into play.

College admissions is a changing game. Lawsuits and regulations are changing how admission committees do their work. The financial age process turns the buyer/seller process upside down. It is an area ripe for innovation. However, regulation and fixed costs have made that difficult. 

Exit

Exit by Belinda Bauer

The Exiteers are people that assist the terminally ill in committing suicide. These exiteers work at the edge of the law.  They come in twos and assist the suicide process, but don't actively participate. They make sure everything is in order and accompany the person as they die with nitrous oxide. Then they leave for the family to take care of the loved one that appeared to die of "natural causes". Unfortunately, one time, things go massively wrong. A "veteran" male retiree and first-time young woman attempt to help an old man. In the process, the woman helps the person with the mask (a no-no in their process.) Then, after the death, they realize that the wrong person has died (the son instead of the father). The retiree offers to take the blame so the woman can live her life. However, at the last minute he realizes his dog needs to be taken care of. Most of the book deals with his struggles to come clean. He contemplates the path, goes to talk with the family and even tries to meet up with the woman. The police are also investigating. The story takes a number of twists in turn, which include gambling debts and a fake invalid. Many people appear culpable before the final perpetrator is unveiled. It makes a good book for the genre.

Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It

Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It by Richard V. Reeves

Men are struggling today. Traditional "manual labor" careers are disappearing. There has been a lot of effort to increase female representation in traditional male vocations. However, there has been little effort to increase male representation in traditional female vocations (and homemaking). The educational institutions are tilted in favor the average girl. Boys tend to mature later than girls, putting them at a disadvantage. Society often focuses on the male dominance at the top. However, this masks the significant challenges for the majority. To make matters worse, there is a reluctance to call out male challenges. "Toxic Masculinity" is often thrown out to disparage negative actions by boys, regardless of the how small. Males (especially white males) are seen as "privileged", thus making it hard to advocate for them. Even non-white males get caught on the outside of programs meant to help others. (For instance, black females have seen great gains in education attainment, while males seldom take advantage of opportunities.)

This book is careful to acknowledge that people differ greatly. There is a significant overlap in male and female attributes and abilities. Programs like Title IX have helped increase female access to education. There are many organizations that strive to help women in traditional male careers (e.g. "Women in STEM"). There are very few that help attract men to traditional female careers. Early childhood education is dominated by females. Efforts have been made to increase female representation at higher education, but little has been done to support males in elementary education. There has also been little support for men to take on traditional childcare and home roles.

What needs to be done? The author suggests giving opportunities to "red shirt" children and let them start school later. This would especially benefit boys. Giving child care for this would also help. Programs should be put in place to encourage balance in female-dominated professions. Health care and education were two areas mentioned. Vocational education should also be encouraged. Men should not be overly victimized. Treating men fairly and seeking balance would benefit men - and women.

Can't and Won't: Stories

Can't and Won't: Stories by Lydia Davis

This collection of short stories includes some that last just a page and others that go on. Some are based on spam email. Others arose out of the obituaries. There are a few that deal with the paralysis of making decisions. There is a very long one about receiving a grant. Will that allow the recipient to leave teaching? Well, maybe not. How will it change how the author interacts with people? There are various diversions to discuss how a teacher interacts with her class and the fear of writing on the blackboard. Then it punches forward to the thank you note to the foundation - that is overly analyzed and never sent. The style of the stories is excellent with skill taken to turn even the most mundane into a well-hewed message.

Trust

Trust by Domenico Starnone

A teacher (Pietro) has a relationship with one of his students (Teresa). They agree to share something together they haven't shared with anyone else. Later they break up. The teacher goes on to get married. They student goes on to an esteemed career abroad.

The bulk of the story focuses on the teacher and his life. He has a good relationship with his wife. They are both academics. They have a kid. They have some struggles. Then an essay that he wrote starts to get some acclaim. He is asked to expand it for a book and later goes on speaking and lecture tours. His career is taking off. Meanwhile, his wife is struggling with her career. She is also spending more time with their kids. There is a struggle as neither seem to be adequately supporting each other. They have different needs. They reach some general truce.

The end of the story moves to the point of view of the teacher's daughter. She sees that he is not nominated for a teacher award. She users her connections to work to rectify this. She mentions all he did, and that he taught Teresa. This lat bit helps sway the committee, and they are willing to have him if she can talk. The daughter contacts her and she agrees immediately. The daughter tells this to her father and she is upset. We then learn of the love that Teresa still has for him and the challenges of the relationship.  

The end of the book has a discussion by the translator of how she translated and some of the challenges in translation. Translators play a key role in how we understand other works, and it is great to hear details from their perspective. The book has a nice, light view glimpse of the struggles that people have in balancing all aspects of their lives. The translation did a great job of keeping the story alive and interesting.

Suburban Nation: The Rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream

Suburban Nation: The Rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream by Andres Duany, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk and Jeff Speck

While walking around listening to this book, I couldn't help but get mad. I was in older neighborhood in Seattle that would probably be in the 99th percentile of "least suburban blah". Yet, there was still ample evidence of suburban destruction. Streets were wider than needed. There was use segregation, too much space for cars and areas without pedestrian crossings. I passed the old library building in a mixed urban area and was reminded that the new library is a few blocks away on a larger, more "blah" piece of land. (It is still in a pedestrian friendly area - just not as appealing.) The school district has been busy building "mega schools" and talking about shutting down and consolidating schools. I also passed people using electric scooters on the sidewalk. Sure, these are better than cars, but they are impinging on people space, not car space.

The book focuses on the pitfalls of suburbanization and the good parts from Congress of New Urbanism. Suburbanization has been heavily influenced by government policy. It is based heavily on car transport and is not scalable. In the past, developers were revered. Today they are villainized. New development brings in more traffic and more conflict for scarce resources. In the past, development would include building up of many public goods. New development would provide new neighborhoods to walk in, new travel routes and new public amenities. Now, development is mostly an isolated subdivision. These cars get funelled on to existing streets increasing traffic. They crowd the existing mega-schools. It is a negative, not a positive.

It is a depressingly huge uphill battle to get liveable walkable communities. People don't want their subdivision connected to others. Developers follow the generic process. They want to build their ultra-large mass-produced houses on needlessly winding streets. City code requires abundant parking spaces and shuns mixed use. Economies of scale in production encourage more of this development. This is more expensive in the long run. However, in the long run, most of these residents will have moved out to the next ring of suburbs and the inner ring will be left to decay. 

Attempts to remedy the problems of suburbanization often focus on the periphery without addressing the true concern. Transit systems are built with big park and ride lots. Why take transit if you are already driving part of the way? Electric cars are treated as a solution to pollution, but fail to address the big problem of all the resources they require to build and drive on.  Small pedestrian friendly parts of town are built, but are primarily accessed by driving from remote subdivisions. Many of the more livable areas could not be built today because they are against the codes. Unsustainable American subdivisions are also spreading throughout the world. How can we fight against people's greed and laziness to actually build something sustainable and livable?

Essays One

Essays One by Lydia Davis

Kafka had an influence on Lydia Davis' writing style. That says enough. She had a career translating books (primarily from the French) as well as writing (especially short stories.) The essays here bounce around various styles, with a lot of free association and stream of conscious writing. Sometimes a piece of SPAM email can inspire a short story. Other times short story may end up looking more like a poem. It is all good. She said she has another book devoted to translation, but it still gets ample mention here. Both translation and writing involve a significant amount of editing and rewriting. It is an art to distill the meaning in the appropriate format.

The Wondering Jew: Israel and the Search for Jewish Identity

The Wondering Jew: Israel and the Search for Jewish Identity

This book is an interesting take on religiosity, secularism and the longing for a Jewish identity. The book provides background on Jewish history with the various thinkers. Zionism started as a primarily secular movement to bring together Jewish people. However, they needed buy-in from the Orthodox. This resulted in the orthodox group getting significant influence and control of modern Israel. Today there remain various conflicts between the secular and religious identity. 

Judaism has managed to endure as a significant people and religion for much longer than any of its counterparts. Part of this is due to the study and evolution of the religious teachings. Different interpretations were layered on top of initial writings. These helped the religion adapt to the times. Recently, the orthodox movement has focussed more on keeping to teachings without evolution. The author sees secularism as an attempt to "evolve" Judaism. However, secularists suffer from being too focussed on secularism. They are afraid to look at the past teachings for fear of becoming "religious." There is plenty that both sides can learn from each other. The religion can succeed by adapting to modernity while keeping true to itself. Secularists can be happier by adopting appropriate religion to their life. (The religious tend to be happier.) 

One example that is given is the response to technology. The internet is not mentioned in any Jewish teachings. However, it has a significant impact in our lives. Adopting a "digital sabbath" where people avoid being connected for a day is something that believers and non-believers can adopt.

Jewish identity is different in Israel than in diaspora. In Israel, one is exposed to Judaism all the time. In the diaspora, one needs to work to maintain the Jewish identity. There are different challenges and benefits to each.

Go as a River

Go as a River by Shelley Read

Victoria Nash lives in the rural mountainous Iola, Colorado where her family has managed to produce peaches in the inhospitable climate. Her family is not without challenges. Her mother was killed in an accident. Her brother is an alcoholic with a temper. She lives a fairly isolated life on the farm. Then one day she meets a strange Native American who asks for directions. They sense an attraction, but don't act on it. Her brother (drunk) sees them and tries to "protect" his sister. The stranger ends up protecting her instead, this sewing the seeds of love. She ends up getting pregnant and the brother is involved in the death of her boyfriend. She is distraught and flees to the wilderness. She barely manages to live off the land and eventually gives birth on her own. She is on the brink of starvation. One day, she notices a young couple with picnicking with an infant. She secretly places her baby in the car. The couple end up adopting this baby as their own.

The novel then covers the travails as she returns to life. Her brother has been "cast out" of town due to her involvement with the murder. Her father is near the end of his life. She ends up with the orchard. The government plans on building a dam that will inundate Iola in the Blue Mesa reservoir. Victoria sells out (to the chagrin of her neighbors.) She also contacts a university to help relocating the peach trees. She eventually moves on to a new town with the trees and makes a friend. She has been reluctant to share her story with anyone. However, she does go to the place where she abandoned her child to place a rock there every year. One year she sees a "peach rock", and holds out hope of reuniting. Many years later, she sees a note there with a history of her son.

After much prodding and sharing by her friend, Victoria reaches out to the "adoptive" mother. They each had sad stories to share.  (There seem to be an abundance of anger-impulsive male characters in this female-driven story.) We learn the other side of the story, and have a number of tear-jerkers before a reunion is arranged, the results of which are up to our imagination. Victoria is perhaps too strong-willed. She is ready to take everything upon herself without sharing with others. However, by finally opening up, she can achieve more than she otherwise could on her own.

Fluke: Chance, Chaos, and Why Everything We Do Matters

Fluke: Chance, Chaos, and Why Everything We Do Matters by Brian Klaas

A lot of things that happen in life are due to flukes. We just happen to read something that launches a keen interest. We run into someone who becomes a keen friend. The choice to do some small thing often has significant impacts in our life. While we often focus on the "big" decisions, the little ones can be just as impactful. Similarly, looking at people that have succeeded can often lead us down useless rabbit holes. The success may have been more impacted by flukes than any innate traits or actions.

The book also delves into many related topics. Scientific research often leads to people finding "explanations" that are merely flukes. P-hacking and shelving of non-interesting research helps exacerbate this. Determinism vs. Libertarian Free Will are also discussed. I'm not sure if this part was really relevant. If the universe is fully determined based on the initial action, does that matter for our individual choices of actions?

How Iceland Changed the World: The Big History of a Small Island

How Iceland Changed the World: The Big History of a Small Island by Egill Bjarnason

Iceland is a small, isolated island just south of the Arctic Circle. It's influence in history has been disproportionate to the small population. It was initially populated by Scandinavians and Irish many centuries ago. (Most often Scandinavian men with Irish women.) These people later continued on to set up towns in Greenland and even in North America. 

This book does not take itself seriously. It does a great job of covering the history of Iceland with a focus on how iceland has impacted other parts of the world.

The Icelanders have been storytellers and have held onto their historic language and recorded many epics. These have allowed us to help piece together many pieces of history. Ancient Iceland had set up forms of government that would appear quite progressive today. 

The population of Iceland did not rise above 100,000 people until the 20th century. The population has been "controlled" by other countries for much of its history. However, despite only recently achieving official independence, the people have had a strong degree of autonomy. They have rarely engaged in external warfare. They have been involved in various international relations. There have been peace conferences there, and the country was influential in the establishment of Israel/Palestine. Iceland has also had the first popularly elected female leader. Recently, a large banking industry rose up and then collapsed. Iceland has historically been homogeneous. Diverse immigration and tourism are relatively new changes. How will it impact the country going forward? 

Interior Chinatown: A Novel

Interior Chinatown: A Novel by Charles Yu

The Chinese have had an interesting place in America. Large populations have been in the country for two centuries. Their waves have preceded significant waves of other European immigrants. However, the others have become "Americans", while the Chinese are still looked at as separate. They have been heavily discriminated against. The were excluded from citizenship and property ownership at times in history. Even marriage with a Chinese person could result in lost citizenship. There have also been violent attacks and destructions of Chinese populations. Yet, Chinese feel unable to take the victimhood like blacks since they have never been slaves. They can't even be like other "colored" minorities because they are seen as being too successful.

This book explores the life of a Chinese man in the form of a script. He aspires to be "Kung Fu Man". However, he seems to be most commonly cast as anonymous Chinese man or delivery boy. Other residents of Chinatown, primarily in the SRO all have their own "anonymous" roles in the world writ large. They struggle to be recognized and find their role. Older brother seems to be better as he actually can be kung fu man. However, he goes off to college. The main guy later meets a girl who can pass as different races. They have a kid together. However, he feels upset that she has more success than him. There is a concluding court case where the primary character is tried for his own death. There are noble speeches, but the jury finds against them. Eventually Kung Fu breaks out and there is a shot with the character being killed off.

I loved the style of the book as well as the interesting look at the Asian condition in North America.

How Life Works: A User’s Guide to the New Biology

How Life Works: A User’s Guide to the New Biology by Philip Ball

Everything you thought you knew about biology is wrong - or at least inadequate to explain how things work. Biology had drifted towards a "genetic determinism" approach. It was assumed that genes were like computer programs. If we understood the genes we could understand everything. We could just manipulate the "code" to get any desire we wanted. However, biology is not that deterministic. 

It was thought that DNA is primarily for coding proteins. Non-coding DNA was seen as "junk" that may have held a legacy purpose, but is not useful today. However, it is not that simple. Much of that non-coding DNA has distinct purposes that define how organisms develop and behave. 

In general, genes are probabilistic, not deterministic. There are many factors in play. Cells are often guided by neighboring cells in their behavior. Epigenetics, neighboring genes and environmental conditions all can play a role in development. When comparing life to computers, it is much more like a learning model than a predefined algorithm. Or perhaps we could consider it more like the development of an unplanned city vs. central planning. There is simply a lot we don't understand and probably a lot more "chance" involved than we have suspected.

Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up

Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up by Abigail Shrier

Therapy may. be making us much worse. Therapists often have good intentions. They are trying to help. However, they may help "uncover" problems that did not exist previously. (People have a tendency to remember the bad, and more discussions about it may amplify it.) Therapy also encourages a self-focus that can distract from the growth and better integration in society.  Therapists also have financial incentive to continue therapy. There is rarely an event that can be marked as a "cure", thus therapy can go on indefinitely. It can be even worse for children. They can easily be convinced of issues by the manner of questioning. A well-mannered child is a much easier client than a bi-polar adult, making them a much better client to hold on to.

What is the alternative to therapy? Removing phones from children may provide a greater increase in mental health than a visit to a therapist. Maybe we do just need to allow for more personal communication all around. It seems too often the suggestion is for "professional help", when what people really need is a friend.