Monday, July 15, 2019

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last

John Gottman did an extensive study on couples and how their relationships succeed or fail. The majority of marriages fail. However there are a number of signs of success. One key is to have 5 times as many "good" interactions as bad. A bad sign is when even initial memories of the marriage are recalled negatively.
He identified a few different types of personalities and their interactions. Some are very communicative. Some avoid conflict, while others appear to thrive on it. All styles can succeed with the proper effort. (Though mismatching styles can be challenging.
Some common problems seen include stonewalling. Often one person (often the man) will be so upset that they will not give way or communicate. Other problems include (usually erroneously) inferring negative thoughts or motives to the other party. The key to resolving issues is often as simple as being open with listening and communicating. People will often communicate fine with strangers, and then get into a rage with their spouse. Just because we know them well does not mean they don't have needs to be validated and respected.

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