The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Revised and Updated

This book is part narrative and part laundry list of actions based on Gottman's relationship research. Successful marriages don't avoid conflict. However, they know how to deal with it. Couples need to identify areas that are negotiable and those that are not. Spend time on the areas where benefit can be achieved. There are also key areas in which men and women often differ. These seem to be present throughout different cultures. Males tend to take a stronger role of authority. Women tend to value cleaning more and are more concerned about feelings. There are many other things that tend to be over-represented in one gender (though that they are applicable to all couples or individuals.)

The seven principles include:

1. Share Love Maps

2. Nurture Your Fondness & Admiration

3. Turn Towards Each Other Instead of Away

4. Let Your Partner Influence You

5. Solve Your Solvable Problems

6. Overcome Gridlock

7. Create Shared Meaning

The book does not advocate a one size fits all "quick fix" to marital problems. The preferred approach may differ from couple to couple. However, using the principles as a guide for building the relationship is highly correlated with a lasting marriage.