The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are

The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are by Michael Slepian

Why do people keep secrets? How do secrets differ from private items? Often secrets have some significant perceived impact in sharing. Somebody may keep a secret because they fear retribution or embarrassment. A secret may also be kept to spare somebody else. (One anecdote told was the elaborate steps that a family went through to protect a family member from knowing her terminal diagnosis.) 

The keeping of secrets does differ by society. Societies that are tightly knit with minimal social mobility tend to have more secrets. Societies with more mobility tend to have more sharing. (If there is a bad outcome from the secret, a person could just adopt a new social group.)

There can be benefits to sharing secrets. Writing in a journal can provide some benefit. However, greater benefits are seen by sharing with others. There can be negative impacts by ruminating on secrets. Getting them out often appears to be less constly than people initially anticipated.