No Bad Parts

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard C. Schwartz

The book is a psychological hippie trip. The author explores people's multiple personalities and works to bring out certain "parts" to help make people better. Often these parts were caused by trauma and still view people as being the age when the trauma occurred. The audio book includes "sessions" that are slow and sound more hippie than psychological. (There is even advocacy for using psychoactive drugs to help.) There may be some sense to exploring different "parts", but the way he goes about it is a real turn off.

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

The book focuses on husbands that abuse their wives. The author takes a line-in-the-sand approach that only men can be abusers. However, he then says that with gays and lesbians it can be different. This is quite a bit of waffling. It is likely in response to some past psychological believes that abused women "asked for it." In reality, many of the systems of abuse described could happen to anyone. There are reasons that people can abuse and reasons while they are susceptible to abuse. Historically, the males were the aggressors. As society has changed, the patterns have also changed. The strict line given in this book weakens the argument.

Misbelief: What Makes Rational People Believe Irrational Things

Misbelief: What Makes Rational People Believe Irrational Things by Dan Ariely

During Covid, Dan Ariely got attacked by those opposed to Covid policy. He had given some satirical discussion about healthcare that were taken out of context and used as bait. His "half beard" made him recognizable and subject to ridicule by those that did not like current Covid policy. Many of these people would latch on to "conspiracy theories" and could not be convinced otherwise. Ariely attempted to find out what drove people to believe irrational things.

There seemed to be a pattern to "misbelief." People would start with some objection. They may feel wronged or didn't like how things were happening. Then they would go online and after a few searches they would find some sites that seemed to support their position. Then they would dig deeper. Other sources would provide deeper validation. These would often start with some degree of credibility, but be missing certain features of respectability. (It may be something that looks like a medical organization, but is actually just a propaganda group.) Then people find their community. Others support their belief and provide the support they need. The community members often have an outward portrayal of intellectual humility, but inwardly are not willing to change their own mind, but they want others to change their mind. They see others that change their mind or even align with the enemy as outcasts. That makes them unwilling to change their own minds even if they realize they may be mistaken.

The book focuses on the fringe misbelievers. However, the same symptoms are present throughout society. Even in science, the orthodoxy may be insular and not intellectually humble enough to accept changes. Most conspiracy theories start with at least some grain of truth. When mainstream thought accepts falsehoods as a way of getting its point across it opens up the conflict. During the outset of Covid, government officials initially said masks were not useful and that schools should stay open. Later officials pivoted, despite the science not changing. Officials knew that masks helped slow the spread, but used falsehoods to preserve the supply. They also knew it was best to keep schools open due to past pandemic experience. However, they ended up closing them in the name of stopping the spread more due to emotional appeals. "Science" was used to back up what were primarily political decision. Science against the orthodoxy was discredited. This forced many "underground" and did more to harm outcomes. (If the government had lied about lockdowns, why trust them regarding vaccines?) Today, we often see any extreme weather event blamed on climate change even if there is not justification. Is this attempt of public persuasion just enabling climate change denial?

Inner Excellence: Train Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible Life

Inner Excellence: Train Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible Life by Jim Murphy

The author bills this as something more than sports psychology. It is something like "sports performance and life skills". You should focus on the experience. You are working with the others that you are competing against. The goal is to maximize your experience and have fun regardless of what others do. It is important to be self aware and adapt. Believing in yourself and not falling into a case of doubt helps you succeed. There are plenty of examples of sports figures that have fallen apart mentally as well as those that have lived for the moment and succeeded against odds. The audiobook includes some reviews with these figures at the end. The book seemed good as I was listening to it, but in retrospect it felt fairly standard.

Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence

Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence by Daniel Goleman

We are horrible at focussing today. Devices regularly distract us from the present. We are churning from one item to another without focus. Inner, outer and other focus are all key areas that can help us succeed. I found the book very well written at the start. (It even caught me off guard not being focussed enough!) The later part did seem to reiterate the main point a few too many times. The examples were good, but not as powerful as the start.

Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World for Success and Influence

Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World for Success and Influence by Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins

The authors divide everyone into those with a "promotion" and a "prevention" mindset and provide advice on how to best guide and influence people based on that understanding. It is the standard "fit everything into this view" book. It makes sense in the context of the book. However, real people may alternate between risk avoidance and success seeking behaviors, even at the same time. 

Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion

Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini

This is a fairly long book that details a few key principles of persuasions. The concept are very well illustrated with examples from well known figures as well as individuals. Examples include people using these as well as having these used on them. The use includes time when both parties benefit as well as those when one party clearly achieves advantage. There are also "scam" uses that can be identified so that you don't fall victim. 

Many of the principles rely on variations of reciprocity. If you give somebody something, they often feel a need to give you something back. A free sample will often encourage somebody to buy something. Doing a favor to somebody will make them more likely to do something for you. Level-setting can be a variation on this. Giving somebody a lower priced option after starting higher gives them a sense of getting a favor from you. Sending cards or remembering other people helps make them more likely to do you a favor later.

People use "shortcuts" as clues to make quick decisions. High prices are often an indicator of quality and could encourage sales - especially if they are later discounted. Long lines also indicate something that is in demand. (This is one that marketers can often "game" by paying people to stand in line.) Expert appeals are also a common shortcut, even if the expert lacks expertise in the field. "TV Doctors" often pitch medical products - even while admitting they just play one on TV. A scientist's opinions are often valued by the public - even in fields outside their expertise.

Urgency can be used and abused. If it is the last item, you may be worried about the fear of missing out. (This is also an area that is often faked.)

People also like to be internally consistent. They have a desire to do something that is morally correct. Scammers can often take advantage of this to get people (especially elderly) to "correct" what seems to be a problem.

Group connection is another factor that can help persuade. In World War II, the Jews helped seek protection in Japan by appealing to their mutual history as "Asians". Salespeople will often do best when selling to people within their same group (whether it be ethnicity, religion, or even college attended.) Some salespeople are especially good at finding similarities to help sell. (This can also backfire if group is not quite right.) In one example, a door to door salesman would mention neighbors he sold to. He was able to further maximize by "matching". If he was selling to a couple, he would mention another couple. If he was selling to a housewife, he would just mention another housewife. This helped make the purchasers feel more willing to make the decision at the time.

The more commitments involved in a group, the greater the attachment. "Hazing" helps increase the ties to a group due to the work and challenge involved. Society now works at stopping hazing. However, this may just lead to it going underground or involving other ways to have this relationship.

The persuasion principles seem simple, but can be more complex in practice. The author gives many examples where he has fallen victim to persuasion tactics - even knowing that they exist. We may know various tactics, but it takes work to practice them authentically.

Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values

Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values by Marshall Rosenberg PhD

How do you communicate without resorting to attacks and various forms of violence? Some parts are straightforward. Instead of making demands, allow for gifts. Don't obligate people to do things they don't want to do. Instead, allow them to give gifts. It is also important to try to understand what somebody is really asking for. People will often express their desires in what they want other people to do. However, the real need is something below that. Why do they want people to act in a certain way? What are the needs they are trying to fulfill? Understanding these underlying needs will help to solve the problems in a nonviolent way. Getting to this place in the communication is the challenge, but also where the reward lies.

The Power of Nunchi: The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success

The Power of Nunchi: The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success by Euny Hong

When you are good at Nunchi, you are said to have "quick Nunchi", yet a key nunchi skill is to be quiet and not immediately respond. Nunchi is somewhat related to empathy, but very different. It requires quickly assessing the mood of the room and the condition of others. Small clues are used to understand how people feel and what they are communicating non-verbally. Nunchi also involves picking up and understanding local customs and behavior quickly. Those with quick nunchi can pick up on these and do what is needed to fit in. In many situations, just sitting there quietly can encourage others to play their cards and give out details. (Most people do not like silence.)

This skill seems especially appropriate in Korean culture. The verbal communication is often only a small part of what is going on. It is highly ritualized, with the "real" communication going on in the very subtle back channels. Even in cultures with very open communication, there is still value in understanding these small cues and communication needs.

The Myth of Multitasking, 2nd Edition: How “Doing It All” Gets Nothing Done

The Myth of Multitasking, 2nd Edition: How “Doing It All” Gets Nothing Done by Dave Crenshaw

Multitasking is usually just "switch-tasking". We work on one task for a bit, then switch to another. Then switch back. There are costs involved in switching. The end result is that we end up accomplishing much less than if we just focussed on a single task for a period of time. This is exactly what "multi-tasking" computers were set up to do. They provide the illusion of working on many different things, but are really just switching from task to task. Alas, when the term came to use in humans, people got the idea that they really could accomplish multiple things at once. Instead, things are just slowed down. The multi-tasking environment also has negative personal impacts. We may think we can give people attention while doing other things, but we really can't and others can tell. It is faster and better to focus on a single task at a time and give people full attention. (But how does that work if something is really boring?) The book is told in a story of a consultant that comes and helps a worm out multitasking boss to work more efficient and bring efficiencies to her company. It is a short and efficient book that clearly brings home the point.

The Goal: A Process of Ongoing Improvement

The Goal: A Process of Ongoing Improvement by Eliyahu M. Goldratt and Jeff Cox

The Goal is a business book told as a story. The protagonist is in charge of a factory that is in trouble. There is risk of the company shutting them down. He is struggling to find a way to turn things around. A non-business professor, Jonah, appears and helps pinpoint him in the direction he needs to go to find answers. Meanwhile, his wife is stressing out at home due to his time spent at work and lack of attention to his home life. At work, he looks at the big picture and realizes that the small metrics won't help. He needs to improve things all around. The improvements eventually lead to a focus on constraints. Inventory should be kept as lean as possible. Effort should be focussed on improving areas that are constraining the system. He even gains some ideas by seeing how boys hike together on a boy scout hike. The teachings are primarily applicable to manufacturing organizations. However, applications can be found in other areas, including family life.

The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone's Mind

The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone's Mind by Jonah Berger

A catalyst makes it easier for a chemical reaction to take place. In the context of this book, a catalyst makes it easier for somebody to change their mind. Often, we try to push changes on people. We present more evidence to try to convince them that our view is correct. However, this will often lead them to build up greater protection. A better solution is to help bring down their barriers to change and let them change their own mind. The author presents an example of a swat team vs. hostage negotiator. The team is ready to come in with violence. The negotiator simply talks with the suspect and gets them to come out on their own.

The book includes examples from marketing, youth culture, politics and more. People often have risk aversion and favor things they already have. Making returns easy helps reduce the barrier to purchase. these leads to greater sales. People are also less willing to return things they already have. People are also likely to follow trends of their peers. Kids don't listen to adult advice about not smoking, but other kids do a good job convincing them.

The points in the book make sense, however the execution can be challenging.

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell

Malcolm Gladwell explores different things that have "tipped" to go from niche to widely popular. Hush Puppies were old shoes that were on their way out. After a few New York hipsters adopted them, they became incredibly popular and a fashion statement. Another shoe brand, Airwalk was crazy popular as it was adopted by the skater crowd. They released a "popular" version at shoe stores, but kept the performance brand at skate stores. However, once they dropped the special skate brand, their popularity faded. The book explores other "tips" such as New York crime and fare evasion, teen activities (like smoking, school shootings, sickness and suicides. The Stanford prison experiment even makes an appearance. There are interesting discussions on the influence of "connectors" and "mavens" in spreading fads. The book is a fun read, even if some of the explanation may have more nuance than he gives.

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt

Parents have become extremely protective of children's physical activities, but allowed them free reign on the internet. Girls tend to be driven to social media. Boys to videos and video games. Kids don't have as many experiences, nor take as many risks in the real world. However, they suffer more in the virtual world. The solutions include limiting kids access to internet and screens. Smart phones should not be had until later ages (like high school.) Social media should also be postponed. 13 is too young of an age. And younger children often fake the age. Kids should be given more opportunities to interact and take risks in the "real world". Can we really spin back the digital invasion that has negatively impacted the lives of children?

The Art of Fairness: The Power of Decency in a World Turned Mean

The Art of Fairness: The Power of Decency in a World Turned Mean by David Bodanis

Being nice but firm is a key to success. "Trust but verify" is a tenant that works. The Empire State Building was constructed by a firm that respected employees and didn't let excess graft go through. The Nazis thought of themselves as dominant and refused to respect "others", even if they supported them. The anti-Jewish speech worked well at first, but eventually there were few Jews left, and the Nazi regime faltered away. Roosevelt's polio caused adversity in his life, but also helped him to better respect others. At the other extreme, the US had a grand unification during the war. Even strikes could be resolved to the betterment of all.

The book also explores pilots on air and sea. Many people survived the Sioux City because the pilot was willing to take advice from a training pilot who was on board. On the other hand, a Korean plane crashed because the co-pilot was not willing to share needed changes with the pilot. The Mutiny on the Bounty captain was loved by the crew on the first part of his voyage, but then distrusted by them when times got hard. Having a balance of "niceness" with firmness is needed.

The book has interesting stories. The message is a tricky one. Be fair. But how do you do it?

Willful: How We Choose What We Do

Willful: How We Choose What We Do by Richard Robb

Why do we do what we do? Rational choice theory explains that we take everything into account and make the best decision. However, people rarely do it. They have certain beliefs and values that they often stubbornly cling to - even with new information available. Sometimes we do things altruistically. We may seek to benefit others, even if it doesn't help us. 

Sometimes we do things that just don't make sense. Holding the poor open for a subway rider is a case. That will save one stranger a few minutes wait time, while delaying hundreds of strangers a few seconds. The net loss for everyone exceeds the net gain for the one. Yet people will still do it. We may mow our own lawn, even though it would be more efficient to pay somebody to mow it. However, we would not offer to mow our neighbor's lawn for the same cost. Even though it is easy to identify the cost, there is joy in doing things that comes into the calculation.

The book presents many examples, including those from the author's personal experience. Economics explains things rationally. However, people are slow to change believes. Sometimes they do things that they want to do, even though they know good maximize benefit via other means. People work even though they could likely earn more be spending some of the time focussing on personal finance and investments. People enjoy the experiences of life and are not always trying to maximize 100%.

Revenge of the Tipping Point: Overstories, Superspreaders, and the Rise of Social Engineering

Revenge of the Tipping Point: Overstories, Superspreaders, and the Rise of Social Engineering by Malcolm Gladwell

People will often "tip" to a different view when a significant number pivot to another view. The number differs, but is often 1/4 to 1/3. These "tips" can be good or bad. Understanding the "tips" can help influence policy. However, there are social issues to consider. Housing integration lead to white flight when neighborhoods as people wanted to get out while they good. Many people would be fine with a 20% black neighborhood. However, they felt that 20% was just the first step towards 100% black. Limiting the numbers could have improved integration, but at the expense of personal ability to live where desired. For air pollution, significant effort is spent on emission testing cars. However, technology exists to identify most polluting vehicles on the road. The highest polluters contribute dis to air pollution. Forcing them to fix their cars (or impounding them) would cause the most significant improvement. However, what if they don't have resources to fix their car? Is it fair?

The book examines a few medical tipping points. In the opioid epidemic, states that required narcotic prescriptions in triplicate had a smaller problem and how trying to limit abuse ended up driving many addicts underground. For vaccines, Waldorf schools tend to have very low vaccination rates. The culture of the school tends to encourage lower vaccination rates, with even the same family having lower vaccination after attending the schools. Doctors themselves are very influenced by their local culture. Some hospitals have higher rates of procedures, influence by common tipping points.

There are many other examples of how people can be influenced by seemingly random things. For example, Will and Grace helped paint gays as normal and paved the way for gay marriage. A community with "great" schools and a driven population could fall to a suicide epidemic due in part to sameness without resiliency. The book includes narration as well as audio clips from involved parties making it a great pop-science book.

All the Worst Humans: How I Made News for Dictators, Tycoons, and Politicians

All the Worst Humans: How I Made News for Dictators, Tycoons, and Politicians by Phil Elwood

The author managed to repeatedly "fail up". He did not make it through school or a job. Then he got a job as a staffer for a congressman. He was able to use the recommendation to get into George Washington. He got kicked out. He then got into Georgetown. He then got jobs working in public relations. In these jobs he had enormous expense accounts and worked to support those with even more. He helped derail the US world cup effort by advocating for kids instead of international events. He helped babysit the son of a Lybian dictator in Las Vegas, ringing up millions in expenses. He knew many of the strategies for making even the worst people appear better. He was involved in money laundering operations and supporting those that were trying to throw US elections. After a run-in with the FBI, he decided to focus on clean efforts. 

His story is a cautionary tale of how easy we can be manipulated. The PR firms help influence writing and control of public opinion. We may think we are getting unbiased reporting, but we are what we hear is publicly curated. The best PR experts are behind the scenes and never known. When we hear about them it is because they have not done a good job or things have backfired excessively. Do we really live in a free society? 

Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg

Communicating and connecting with people is the key to build strong relationships. Those that can communicate well tend to get along better. Some people are born with natural skills, but others can learn. Some simple things to do are showing interest and relating. Responding to nonverbal cues in nonverbal manners is key. When two people exhibit the same type of laughter, they better relate to each other. (Though if they show different types of laughter it may cause a rift.) Showing vulnerability and struggles that one had previously are also valuable.

The book includes examples from various fields. In the initial pitch for "Big Bang Theory", some geniuses had no social skills. However, people couldn't relate. Adding somebody social that exposed her feeling allowed the others a foil and helped the performance. A CIA operative tried to recruit a spy. She turned him down out of feer. However, after dropping the recruit pitch and letting her walk, he shared his concerns about his career. She relaxed and decided to join. For dealing with anti-vaxers, doctors could present facts to no avail. However, relating to concerns about life and family did bring about some desire for vaccines. 

In general, people need to show concern for others concerns and let them make choices on their own. Nonverbal communication can be as helpful as verbal.  

Drama Queen: One Autistic Woman and a Life of Unhelpful Labels

Drama Queen: One Autistic Woman and a Life of Unhelpful Labels by Sara Gibbs

If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. Sara Gibbs was diagnosed with autism in adulthood. Her version was a very social type of autism. She talked too much. She constantly had crushes on people. She lived in a dream world. Her boundaries were not good. She struggled with all social activity. However, she grew up in an "odd" environment, with a family that was very much into new age anti-vax and Waldorf education. Her father had multiple affairs and was distant from the family. However, he was the one that helped her when times were the hardest, and they grew closer in adulthood and she cared for him near his death. She seemed to have a constant stream of boyfriends, with plenty of drama and obsessiveness. She eventually landed with a caring husband and found a job writing comedy. Her outgoing nature likely helped her to manage - even if it also the source of her problems. The book ends with her diagnoses with autism. This helped her to vanquish some of her "problems" and better understand herself.