The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward

"No Regrets" is a mantra of those that feel they lived the best they could. Is that something we should aim for? Daniel Pink says no. Instead, regret should be used as a positive tool to push us forward. Spending too much time dwelling on the "could have/should haves" is not productive. However, learning from our experiences can be helpful.

Humans tend to be most adversely affected when they are "close". In one study, olympic bronze medalists were found to be happier than silver medalists. Those in third were happy to earn a medal, while those in second regret that they could not have pushed themselves further to get gold. Another study compared too options for a raffle rewarding positive behavior. In one, those who did what they were supposed to had a ticket in the raffle. In another, everyone had a ticket in the raffle, but those that failed to complete the task did not get the prize. The second approach was much more motivating. People were more upset that they could have received the prize, but failed to do what was needed.

Regret of commission is also different than regret of commission. 

On tests, people regret switching from incorrect answer to correct answer. However, the regret is not as strong for failure to switch from incorrect to correct answer. (Despite conventional wisdom, it was found that people that switch answers tend to do better.) 

Some people try to maximize experiences. There is a quest to avoid regret. (An example is Jeff Bezos and starting Amazon to avoid regret of not doing it.) This can be a negative in which we spend too much time avoiding possible regret that we have difficulty making decisions. (Booking travel always seems to fall into that realm.)

Regret assumes agency. If we cannot control something we cannot regret the outcome. If something is 100% out of our control, we do not regret it. However, there is almost some point where we do have control. (We may have chosen not to travel somewhere, thus avoiding an earthquake. ) By optimizing regret, we can improve our lives.