What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal

What makes a relationship successful? It seems like something that you would just know. However, Dr. Gottman set about studying the details. The book has a series of "tests" to analyze the relationship. Some parts are simple. Do people focus on the good or the bad? Are their positive past recollections even when times are currently difficult? Or are the past experiences colored with negativity?

He also provides details of choosing an appropriate therapist when needed. One that encourages people to just "get over" past challenges is not helpful. If there has been some harm or betrayal, this must be fully understood and worked through before getting "over it".

The physical relationship is also an important part of a good relationship. This is an area that is often rife with miscommunication. People have different goals and feelings regarding intimacy. It is important to bring these out in the open and not assume the partner feels the same.

A relationship will never be perfect. However, people need to continual work together to improve it. It would be interesting to strap on some of the monitors that he talks about to evaluate conversations in the process. Maybe we can apply scientific analysis to ourselves to better understand what we are feeling "in the moment". (Then again, watching our recorded "fights" may be especially cringe-worthy.)